Fantasy Flan: Paradox
by Ray Lewis
Summary: What if it was not Courage who stepped up to defeat the Evil Flan Man? Oneshot


**Fantasy Flan: Paradox**

It all started with the commercials. I never paid into it, but she did. Jerikka saw it. Almost instantly she lost her mind. I was laying in bed when she came up, shouting, "We gotta go into town and get some Flan!"  
>"What the hell is Flan?" I asked, shocked at her behavior. Even when we went through that drug phase (It's literally no-where, you try staying off of drugs.) She never showed this addictive behavior. She rushed me out to the car and handed me my keys. I worried for her. As we drove into town, I noticed it went to hell. People rioting, no police in sight. I drove up to Dil's General Store. As I went in, Jerikka immediately broke off and ran towards some shelves. I started to walk over to her when I bumped into Dr. Kapour, an Indian doctor I frequented.<p>

"Hey Doc, what's going on?" I asked. He shoved me with a wild look in his eyes.

"Where is the Flan boy?" He shouted in his thick accent. He pushed me to the ground. I got up to confront him but he vanished into the crowd. I turned to see Jerikka breaking into a truck shaped like the infamous "Flan". She got in and hotwired the start. I sprinted out and jumped on the back just as the townsfolk began to angrily assemble in front of the truck. I looked back at my jeep as she drove towards out house.

After days, I looked at the disgusting state our house was in. Jerikka had gained quite a bit of weight, and all she did all day was curl up in the fetal position and cry for flan. I finally lost it. I picked up one of the many empty cartons and noted the address.  
>"1 Flan drive… What the hell?" I asked myself. I would have furthered the topic in my thoughts, but time was running out. I ran to my safe and armed up. M4, an MP5 strapped to my thigh and my trusty knife on my left bicep. I got into the stolen van and started my long drive.<p>

I approached the compound around dawn. I saw that a recent convoy was pulling in, so I easily blended in. A guard was coming around and registering who was coming in. I looked in the glove compartment for authentication papers, but all I found was a Glock 17c. I didn't have time to screw around. The guard's long neck came in through the broken window.

"Hey, you don't work-" He started, but two shots to his chest ended him. I pulled in and grabbed my gear. Other than that one guard, there was no extra security.

It took a while, but I finally found where that bastard was hiding. He was in the middle of a session with one of his victims.

"I'm here to stop you." I called out.

"Silly boy, you cannot stop me. Soon, every network, in every city, in every state, all over the world will broadcast my message!" He shouted. I came to the conclusion that I had enough of his shit. I brought my rifle up to my shoulder and fired a few shots into his fat belly. He was, literally, a well-rounded man. The shots bounced off him and fell to the ground. He than jumped up and rolled into a ball, destroying the table he stood on. I flipped to full auto and fired as I back peddled towards the door. The shots had no effect on him. I ran towards the elevator and started pounding the button. I dropped my carbine and opened the doors by hand. I grabbed one of the cords going up and pulled out my MP5. He followed me onto the cord. No amount of shooting seemed to have any effect on him. As I neared the top, I jumped onto the ledge and opened the door. I stepped onto the roof. My MP5 was empty, so I discarded it. I ran up to the broadcasting tower with tubby not far behind. As I neared the top, he was not far behind. He began to throw cans of flan at me. I took out the Glock and began shooting at him. One of the rounds caught the can and sent flan all over the tower. I threw my pistol in disgust as I waited for my hit.

"I've got you now boy." He howled as he climbed. Unfortunately for him, he slipped from all the flan. As he fell, he grabbed onto a wire that hung from the spinning sign on the broadcasting tower. Alas, the sign fell, sending it and him crashing to the ground below.

I got on the elevator and went back to the broadcasting room.

"People of the world, you are now free. Please, eat flan as you please."

The elevator dinged as I stepped into the lobby. He lay under the sign, mesmerized by his own message. The sign was supported by one rope connecting the four corners. "Flan…flan…flan." He murmured, unable to comprehend his defeat. I climbed up onto the sign and took out my knife. I cut the rope, sending the sign and myself onto the man. A pool of blood came out from under the sign as I sheathed my knife. I walked out into the rising sun, suddenly wanting some flan.


End file.
